cloudy mind

I haven't had a breakfast taco in weeks and I don't like it. Tho, the last one I had was pretty good. It was a Terra taco from Cherrywood. Normally I go for eggs, potato, and maybe chilies, so the Terra Taco, with its fried tofu and avocado additions is a little more gourmet than I normally prefer. But it was really good. Sadly, cherrywood's tortillas and salsa suck; if they invested more in these areas, their breakfast tacos could be something special. Instead, they still fall far short of the torchy's standard.

I woke up this morning in a bit of a cloudy funk. I had bad dreams all last night. Well, one really long bad dream. In it, my dad was yelling at me. A lot. I had come home from school. (In the dream world, dad's still alive.) and mom bought me a suede jacket for my birthday or something. And I said that it was nice, but i didn't need it because it was leather and too hot for texas and all my normal excuses. Like I normally do. And he flipped out on me. And an old friend who Im on rocky terms with was there as well. And that was pretty ruff too. Because I hate teh rocky terms. I think I can analyze the dad part. I'm projecting onto my memory of him how shitty I felt as a son. I was never properly thankful for how wonderful he was. For how mom and he both are/were. I told Michelle last night that I never really knew my dad and I think that's true. If there's one thing I learned about him from his wake its that he lived a life totally separate from what I knew of him. its that people held him in incredibly high regard. its that he wasn't just my dad but he had a life that I didn't know much about. And now will never know about.

As for the friend...well, i hate losing friends. Michelle said that some friends are for a reason, some are fr a season, and some are for lifetime. but I dont really like that. I like to think that all friends are for my lifetime. And I feel like this one is salvageable. But its troubling to me that its on rocky terms because my friends mean so much to me. I hate losing them. I feel like I lose a part of myself. I had a long, and great, chat with reshanne yesterday which reminded just how much my friends mean to me, and exactly how terrible a friend i've been this semester. I need to get better--probably starting in May, unfortunately.

So tomorrow we're receiving our exams for law libraries. everyone who took it last year said not to worry. So i'm not worrying much. but I still am a bit nervous. It just sucked so hard as a class. I have no idea what's important. I have no idea what I need to know. But I think it should be ok. I'm goign to go back over my notes and my outline. and I'll add what needs to be added. So hopefully I can finish it quickly. I really dont have a lot of time to bother with it because of the crowdsourcing paper. That thing is in disrepair a bit. I think it'll be ok in the end, but the problem is that I have to have my post designed for it VERY SOON. and since i have exactly no idea what to put on the poster, that's problematic. Still, that's something I'm going to worry about next week, I think.

ok. off to class soon.